Firefly In July

I’ve been doing nightshifts for over three years now and the struggle is always getting a deep, sound sleep. Alot has been said on how to, like taking a warm bath before going to bed, using heavy curtains to prevent day light from peering in, lighting scented candles, drinking a glass of milk…. but none of these had worked effectively for me.

First, a warm bath before sleep only alerts my senses and I end up staying up longer. Second, the darkness brings out the coward in me. I believe in saving on electricity but something about the absence of light (plus an eerie silence) just shoves all thoughts of practicality out the door… I sleep with the lights and TV on. Call it crazy but I’m terrified of the dark. Third, an unattended burning candle can cause fire and I don’t want to take chances. Who would want to leave this world toasted? Fourth, I know milk is good for my health, period. It has not contributed an ounce to me getting a sound sleep.

When I first worked nights, I instantly dozed off to dreamland as soon as my head hit the pillows. But as time progressed I stayed up later and later until 3pm became my normal time for turning in. Some of my officemates, specially the new ones, take naps during work breaks. Although the company does not encourage it, it’s been very understanding of the situation and there are beds set up in our clinic to make the “episode” more comfortable. In the span of three and half years, I slept there just once when I had to stay until the following day’s afternoon activity. I don’t easily surrender to sleepiness anymore; night shifts had badly altered my biological clock. That’s the trap that all nocturnal workers are inevitably falling into.

So far, I’ve found one proven sleep inducer that works all the time – Exhaustion. If there’s anything better that can rival that, let me know. I surely want to succumb to deep slumber without actually trying to kill myself.

Its that time of financial reporting again that makes it hard to focus on anything else other than the pile of accounts to reconcile. I cant find the inspiration to write.

I need to get out, probably watch a movie. The last time I did was when we lost Perere and that was just an excuse to get out of the house. We really didnt enjoy the film and the scenes passed in a blurr; it was a total waste of money. The only consolation was it was a convenient way to kill time and the darkness hid our long faces perfectly.

So last Saturday, I invited Mark to see “Mama Mia!” and that time around, I was determined to get a little amusement. Besides, it has been a while when we really went out on a date. Weekends were usually spent catching on lost sleep and not worrying to wake up early (or late? for nightshift) for another gruesome work at the office. But no, not this Saturday; sleep will have to wait a few hours more.

The movie promised to be fun. It wasnt the type that demands alot of analysis or concentration. In fact you can just listen and reminisce the good ol’days with ABBA’s songs. There was one scene even that brought tears to my eyes and made me miss my mother terribly. Donna, the mother played by Meryl Streep, was singing “Slipping Through My Fingers” while she watched her daughter get dressed for the wedding. It reminded me of my own three years ago. Towards the end of the movie, there was a sudden twist when the bride called off the ceremony and her supposed biological father proposed to marry her mother rather than put all the wedding preparations to waste. The viewers were all giddy and the movie house was filled with murmurs of “say yes! say yes!”. Well, she did and that drew laughter and applause from the audience.

The movie was funny, romantic, and easy. No brain cells wasted. Just the thing I needed to end a stressful week.

Tags: Mama Mia!, Movie

My friend, Ritch, and I had an online conversation on the ever increasing gasoline price that suddenly turned into the topic of suicide. How? We were thinking of hoarding before it rockets to something we cant afford, but then we might end up spending all our cash and nothing left to buy food. What do you do with so much gas when you’re gonna starve to death? Soak in it then light yourself on fire! Its a senseless exchange of thoughts aimed only on entertaining our pathetic selves. She later sent me this forwarded email that got us laughing, we forgot the gas discussion altogether.

Subject: FW: Paalala sa mga magSU-suicide…. (reminders)

Mga Dapat Tandaan Bago Mag-suicide

Bago ang lahat, alamin muna ang tamang dahilan ng pagsu-sucide.. Kung
ang problema mo ay dahil lang sa iniwan ka ng minamahal mo, di k dapat
magpatiwakal! Hello?! Ang mundo ay tambak ng mga tao na pwede mong
mahalin kya di ka dpat mwalan ng pagasa.

Ngunit kung desidido ka na sa gagawin mo at sa tingin mo ay meron kng
tamang dahilan pra gawin ito, ang sunod mong gagawin ay ang pagpili ng
paraan nito. Ang mga popular na paraan ay ang pagbigti, paginom ng
lason, paglaslas, pagbaril sa sarili at pagpigil ng hininga.

(Note: 1. tandaan na maari k png mabuhay pagnagkamali ka sa
pagsasagawa ng mga nabanggit, kaya pumili lamang ng isa na hiyang sau.)

(Note: 2. Alalahaning dyahe kung pagtitinginan ng mga tao ang mukha mo
sa ataul na muka kng dehydrated na langaw.)

Sumulat ng suicide note. Eto ang exciting! dito mo pedeng sisihin
lahat ng tao, at wla clang magagawa! Sbhin mo na di mo gus2ng tapusin
ang iyong buhay kaso lng badtrip clang lahat! Pero wag ding kalimutang
humingi ng tawad sa bandang huli pra mas cool.

(Note: Tandaan n importanteng gumawa ng suicide note pra malaman ng
tao n ngsuicide k at hndi na-murder! Sa ganitong paraan maiiwasan ng PNP
ang pagkuha sa kalye ng kahit sinong tambay pra gawing suspect.)

Pumili ng themesong. Banggitin ang iyong special request sa suicide
note at ibilin na patugtugin sa libing.

(Note: Iwasan ang mga kanta ng Salbakutah! Jologs!! Dapat mejo mellow
at meaningful.. para gayahin ng iba!)

Isulat ng maayos ang suicide note. Print. Iwasan ang bura. Lagdaan.

(Note: Ilagay ang suicide note s a lugar kung saan madaling makita.
Idikit sa noo!)

Planuhin ang isusuot. Isang beses k lng mamatay kaya dpat memorable
ang get-up. Pumili ng telang di umuurong o makati sa katawan.

Magpareserve ng de-kalidad n kabaong. Maganda ang kulay n puti,
mukang komportable. Huwag magtipid.

Pumili narin ng magandang pwesto sa sementeryo. Pumili ng di masikip.

(Note: Kung ikw ay nabibilang sa Year of the rat, Dragon, rabbit,
tiger, beef or monster. Wag na mamili ng lilibingan sapagkat ang mga
nabibilang sa taon n e2 ay dpat i-cremate at gawing foot powder,, pra
gumaan ang pasok ng pera sa mga naiwan.)

Itaon ang araw ng iyong pagsu-suicide sa ung fav. no. sa calendar pra
masaya!

Kung naplano mo na lhat-lhat, Magisip ng mabuti at paulit-ulit!
Isipin na ang gagawin mo ay hndi kanais-nais at lubhang makasalanan!
Pero pag desidido ka talaga…

Good luck!

At tsaka paparty ka na rin muna before ka magpatiwakal ng me maganda ka
ring memory na iiwan sa mga friends and family mo. gawin mo nang bongga
- wag kuripot. make sure na me mga cute na bisita para sa mga single
friends mo, ng me nagawa ka namang kapakipakinabang before ka nadedo. at
least pag me nagkatuluyan maalala ka nila, like ay oo, si ano – we met
the day before sya nagsuicide. bongga yung party nun! mag invite ka ng
bands – ay nako, kung me balak ka mag suicide, mag ipon ka na. im sure
mahal na talent fee ng Hale kung gusto mo cla tugtog The Day You Said
Goodnyt sa burol mo. and oo, make sure ding masarap ang kape sa burol a!
tsaka pwe de wag na tetra pack na juice? pwede punch na lang? tapos ano,
wag na bicuit-biscuit lang. gawin mo ref cake. masarap yun. better yet,
blueberry cheesecake! tapos, tuna carbonara, nachos and garlic dip,
pizza, chicken, ano pa? don’t forget the drinks! mahaba-habng inuman to!
gawin mo parang fiesta, one of a kind! eto, suggestion, lagyan mo ng

theme – pwedeng horror, o fantasy – imagine naka costume mga pupunta sa
burol mo? bongga di ba!?

o ano, excited ka na?

Tags: Gas, Suicide